


To The Boy I Loved Before

by Hemospectrum



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Apologies, Closure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22908955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hemospectrum/pseuds/Hemospectrum
Relationships: Implied Richie Tozier & Connor Bowers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	To The Boy I Loved Before

**Author's Note:**

  * For [All Richie Kins](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=All+Richie+Kins).



To Richie, 

By the time this letter gets to you, assuming that you are hesitant to open and read it, I’ll be on my way to the outskirts of South Dakota with a guilty conscience for what I have caused you back in the theater. You have every right to scoff and throw away this letter, but I believe that it would be best for you to read it to get some sort of closure.

When I first arrived to Derry, Maine, I was skeptical for a variety of reasons: the mysterious disappearances of children, unsolved murders, ongoing cases, hell- even staying with my relatives didn’t sit well with me, how would it? They’re horrible people and even though I’m no better than they are, I just can’t express how much I wanted to leave. I mean, I explored around for a while, doing my best to figure out where to hang out but it was much easier just following Henry and his ‘gang’ since they had a better transportation method. Thanks to him, I did eventually find what I was going to be focusing on for the next couple of visits. 

More specifically? 

Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter down at the theater.

That’s where I first met you, remember? You were really focused on beating your high score that you didn’t notice me coming up to the second player’s controls, and we played, you won, and it went off from there. I realized then that, we didn’t talk about ourselves at all, we focused on the game, went out a couple of times to the ‘Kissing Bridge,’ and just talked. You talked enough for the both of us but when I talked you listened. You didn’t judge me, you didn’t even interrupt me and you know what I thought of that? I knew that our friendship- what we had was more than just fighting and KO’s. There was more love there than I’m willing to admit or even want to admit. There’s this saying that I wanted to share with you actually, I’m not sure if you know about it, it goes something like, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth in uglier ways.” something that my mentor explained to me once before she passed on was, “...there’s this fear that comes with what’s presumed to be wrong. It’s not something that could be helped, it’s something that’s just there and for others to heavily influence what you should and shouldn’t be is unbelievably wrong. There’s nothing wrong with you; society frowns upon those out of their ‘normal,’ and don’t try to understand that we are only human. Loving is a natural part of being human, and nobody has the right to take it away.”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I’m really sorry for exploiting your sexuality by outing you to my cousin. It wasn’t fair to you, and it wasn’t fair for our relationship, our friendship… I was scared. It’s like I could hear alarms going off and I didn’t want to think about what would happen to me so I did the worst irrational impulsive choice of my life and just like that I lost you.

I still feel guilty. I feel like I’ve torn everything we had and it’s true, you were half of what we had, now I only have memories of what we were. I mean, I could’ve taken the fall, I could’ve said literally anything else. I don’t even see him a lot- but you have to see him every fucking day at worst. 

I’m sorry that I was a coward and I’m sorry that I was selfishly impulsive..

But most importantly, I’m sorry that I had the audacity to throw away our promise.

I hope that, when and if you finish this letter, or even if you did throw it away halfway through, that you find yourself being able to love someone who will accept you as you are, someone that will stand by you and not think about throwing you under the bus, someone that will, now and forever, be proud to call you his boyfriend because you deserve it, Richie. You deserve to be happy.

  
  


Yours Sincerely,

Connor R.


End file.
